The perfectionist in me?

August 15, 2008

I am always very critical towards myself. Too much at times. I used to love to do sports, but I stopped because I found myself would never be as good as the top ones. Lately, an external impetus brought me to this inner desire again and I told myself finally I have a reason to do it again and have the intention to achieve good physical self and just give me two months to get back on track!

So full of positive thoughts and energy I started my workout regime. But self doubt once again set in two days later when I realized my would not be able to get back to the level I used to be unless I had some kind of professional coaches to push and guide me. I gave up because I saw a failure in the near future. It just isn’t going to be good enough.

Now I’m thinking this might have been a bad idea. Maybe my self-confidence got more hurt than it should. This does bother me, I can feel it now. It shouldn’t, but it does. The perfectionist inside me killed my fun-time, my creative time.

Some questions I asked myself:

“Why do I feel the need to put myself under so much pressure”?

“What am I afraid of if I am not “perfect””?

“What would be the consequence were I to relax”?

“What would it feel like if I were 10% less perfectionistic right now”?

I’d better stick to my intentions and meditations for now. These are more achievable.

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